Sunday, August 30, 2009

Change Your View of Certainty

Just finished watching Tony Robbins, John Reese and Frank Kern disucss how to achieve more... this is a much watch video - it is 38 minutes SHORT and you should watch it!! That's a commandment.

If on Friday my Beginners Guide to Twitter for Business earned $700 in sales in 24 hours... if you followed the things I did, wouldn't you be able to repeat that too... change your view of certainty!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Shall I put it on your Bill..

Daffy Duck on a dirty weekend calls hotel reception and asks for a condom.

The receptionist says, shall I put them on your bill?

Daffy replies...Don't be thucking thupid I'd thufficate!!!!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

See the fat controller in the kitchen.

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You b*****ds who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get on now, 'cos we're going down the tracks'.

The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,

'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'

She hears the little boy continue,

'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'

As the mother began to smile, the child added..........

'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat controller in the kitchen.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Paulo Ceolho's Birthday Gift to you FREE books

I just woke up, I am not tired! Thank you all for your kindness on Twitpic

Dear Readers,

Below you find some books that are available only in Internet.
I don’t intend to sell the rights for publishing houses in the next two years.

The books can be downloaded for free, as a PDF format.
Click on the covers or the titles of your choice!


Internet Book Download

We'll have a new one!

A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy. Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds - to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patches on it. The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.
"How much to repair it?" the Scot asks the chemist.
"Six pence," says the chemist.
"How much for a new one?"
"Ten pence,” says the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout. The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.

"The regiment has taken a vote," he says.

"We'll have a new one!"

The wit and humour of Peter Morley

StumpJump 2010 Melbourne

Had a fabulous two days with nearly 50 people at StumpJump 2010 in Melbourne Aug 21/22 which was part of the ABITE exhibition at the Melbourne Exhibition Centre.

Feedback for the presenters was outstanding... thanks to Winston Marsh, Paul Harmer, Dennis Hall, David Caruso, RicRaftis and of course I did a little bit..

And the team of StumpJumpers had fun too!!

Nerd... the orgin of the word

Did you know the first documented use of the word Nerd was in the 1950 Dr. Seuss story, If I Ran the Zoo, in which a boy named Gerald McGrew made a large number of delightfully extravagant claims as to what he would do, if he were in charge at the zoo.

Among these was that he would bring a creature known as a Nerd from the land of Ka-Troo. The accompanying illustration showed a grumpy character with unruly hair and sideburns, wearing a black T-shirt.

A fitting image, these days, for a nerd.

Source: Zazz One Day One Thingy One Chance

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Be afraid. Then do it anyway

"Henry Fonda was still throwing up before each stage performance, even when he was seventy-five. In other words, fear doesn't go away. The warrior and the artist live by the same code of necessity, which dictates that the battle must be fought anew every day."

~ Steven Pressfield, 21st century writer from The War of Art

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Cure for Grumpiness

Eight year old little JOHNNY asked his mother the age-old question:

"How did I get here?"
His mother told him, "God sent you."
"And my cousin Matt?"
"He sent him also" said the mother.
"Did God send you, too?" asked little Johnny.
"Yes, dear," the mother replied.
"Did God send dad, too?" asked little Johnny.
"Yes, dear," the mother replied.
"What about Grandma and Grandpa?" Johnny persisted.
"He sent them also" the mother said.
"Did He send their parents, too?" little Johnny asked.
"Yes, dear, He did," said the mother patiently.

"So you're telling me that there has been NO sex in this family for 200 years? No wonder everyone's so grumpy around here."

Monday, August 17, 2009

StumpJump Melbourne with Wayne Mansfield

After a successful StumpJump Summit in Perth early 2009 - we are coming to Melbourne on August 21st and 22nd, 2009.

Whilst nature was giving Queensland and Victoria a pretty server beating - floods and fire, and Wall Street gave us the Global Financial Meltdown, business still needs to be attended to and that's what this full two day business summit is all about.
Everything says the coming year 2010 will be the most challenging for every business in Australia (if not the world!). And only those who are prepared for those challenges will thrive… and 2010 StumpJump Business Summit is about overcoming setbacks on the way to outrageous success.

So, with the goal in mind of equipping my clients and friends (and those are really one and the same) I have put together 6
of the sharpest business minds in Australia to present for you the 2010 StumpJump Business Summit.

The 2010 StumpJump Business Summit in Melbourne is run in conjunction with the Australian Business and Information Technology Expo at the Melbourne Exhibition Centre over Friday August 21st, 2009 and Saturday August 22nd, 2009.

Friday August 21st 2009 will be Stumpjump for Sales and Saturday August 22nd 2009 will be StumpJump for Marketing

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Wasn't that creased in the shop

A man walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price.

He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks 'I have an idea. It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on - do the modeling naked - return it tomorrow and get a £150 refund and keep the money for myself'..

So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.

The husband says '**** me, it wasn't that creased in the shop'.

His funeral is this Thursday.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Enough Already Twitter please fix "fake" account

Just posted this request to Twitter Support - it is the 4 th time I have asked for action... maybe this time??

For many months there has been a @fakewaynemansfield account that is factually wrong and libellous. I have an account as @waynemansfield and have been in good standing since December 3rd 2008.

I would appreciate action to remove the bad taste account as it is now passed the joke and is causing people to ask about why it is still there.

Thanks for you attention and consideration.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

A Woman...

"A Woman"

This is written in the Hebrew Talmud, the book
where all of the sayings and preaching of
Rabbis are conserved over time.

It says: "Be very careful if you make a woman
cry, because God counts her tears. The woman
came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be
walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but
from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be
protected, and next to the heart to be loved."

Pass this on to all exceptional women that you know..
and to men so they know the value of a woman.

Kevin the Chicken

Trevor the farmer was in the fertilised egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets' and eight or ten roosters, to fertilise the pullets' eggs.

Trevor kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favourite rooster was Kevin, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed Kevin's bell hadn't rung at all!

Trevor went to investigate.

The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor's amazement, Kevin had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Trevor was so proud of Kevin, he entered him into the Brisbane Exhibition and Kevin became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The Result?
The judges not only awarded Kevin the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly Kevin was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Do you know a Pullitician called Kevin?....

Courtesy my mate:

Ric Raftis, the Sage of Wedderburn